


Why?

by FreckledYamaguchi



Series: Counting Sheep [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cemetery, Coffee Shops, Death, Depressed kenma, Depressing, Depression, Dreams, Dreams and Nightmares, Gen, I'm Sorry, Nightmares, dead, graveyard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 14:44:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6911416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreckledYamaguchi/pseuds/FreckledYamaguchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's completely dark and silent.<br/>Kenma usually enjoys silence and finds it calming, but not this silence. This was too silent, he couldn't even hear his own breathing. It terrified him to no extent and panic started to course through his body that his first instinct was to run, and so he ran.<br/>.<br/>Kuroo is dead and kenma has to deal with it and the nightmares</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [carxies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/carxies/gifts).



> Hey this is my first story on here and first time writing fan fiction not just normal writing so please forgive me. 
> 
> This is for mom @carxies, enjoy the suffering and I love you :D
> 
> All feedback is appreciated. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the angst :D

It's completely dark and silent. 

Kenma usually enjoys silence and finds it calming, but not this silence. This was too silent, he couldn't even hear his own breathing. It terrified him to no extent and panic started to course through his body that his first instinct was to run, and so he ran. 

_ ‘too much, too much, too much’ _

That's when everything began. 

He ran as fast as he could feeling the damp moist ground underneath his feet, but his limbs kept getting heavier till they felt like blocks of lead. As he ran he was almost certain that someone or something was coming to get him. 

Then the voices began, they were saying something he couldn't decipher but that just increased his panic. He could hear them getting louder and closer. Coming for him. Then out of the voices one got clearer, it was calling out his name. 

_ ‘kuroo’  _

His throat was constricting, his chest was aching, his lungs were begging for air and his stomach was in knots but he kept running.

He couldn't see anything and didn't know where he was but he kept running. 

Then he heard a thud and the voices stopped except for one. 

_ ‘kuroo’ _

pain shot through his body. 

. 

He opens his eyes to find himself on the cold floor of his room. 

_ ‘it was a nightmare. It was a nightmare. It was a nightmare’ he keeps repeating to himself.  _

_ But even though his panic only increases increasing the constricting in his throat and the ache in his chest. He feels uneasy.  _

_ ‘kuroo’ _

His chest is too tight and everything hurts. Something is very off. 

_ ‘kuroo’ _

Air. He needs air, but there's only one thing on his mind. 

‘ _ kuroo’ _

_ ‘what the heck was that? Why was kuroo there?’ _

To try to calm down he decides to go for a walk. He grabs his phone and headphones and is out of the door in minutes. 

He walks putting on his head phones and tries to regulate his breathing. 

_ ‘we used to go on walks like this together’ _

As he walks he finds a coffee shop and goes inside. He sinks in a chair at the farthest table in the back and gets lost in his thoughts again. 

_ ‘what was that? Was kuroo the one coming after me? What did I do to him? Am I really that horrible?’ _

He lets out a bitter laugh. 

_ ‘who am I kidding, of course I'm horrible, I - ‘ _

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears a whistle beside him, so he removes his headphones and looks up to find the all too familiar owner of the shop Ennoshita looking at him with a look he couldn't pin down. 

_ ‘Oh. this was kuroo’s favorite coffee shop’ _

“Hey kenma, long time no see. what brings you here at this hour of the night? Or rather morning, it's three in the morning.” Ennoshita asks and chuckles lightly.

When Ennoshita doesn't get a reply, he knows something is wrong, even Kenma coming there is weird but he can't ask Kenma about it. 

“your regular?” He asks and receives only a nod. 

When Ennoshita leaves kenma is left to his thoughts again. 

_ ‘of course I'm horrible, kuroo is dead because of me.’ _

At that thought his heart starts jumping leaps again and his breathing got heavier,and his thoughts turned into a chorus of one word : _ Shit.  _

_ ‘shit shit shit shit shit shit shit....’ _

He needs air. he needs to get out of here. He leaves money for the coffee and runs out of there. 

He puts on his headphones with his music on the highest volume and runs again, but nothing helps the ache in his chest. He decides to go to the one place he's been avoiding for six months now. 

_ ‘I'm coming kuroo.’ _

When he reaches there, he crouches in front of kuroo’s grave stone and sits hugging his knees to his chest. 

“ I miss you.” he whispers. “I miss you so freaking much”

“why?” he yells. 

Those three letters where the last straw. 

He rocks back and forth his small frame shaking with heart wrenching sobs. 

“why” he yells between sobs “why did you leave” he whispers with a hoarse voice at the gravestone in front of him. 

“why did you have to die? I don't know what to do without you”he sobs

“kuroo, I loved you so much, no I love you so much and I forever will” he says and sobs violently 

“kuroo, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I did this to you.” he cries out 

_ “I love you tetsu”  _

He passes out from sobbing in front of kuroo’s grave stone. 

. 

The light is blinding but when it settles he finds himself lying down in a medow. The sky is blue and the clouds are white and fluffy and the grass around him is green and bright,and cherry blossom leaves were drifting through the air. Everything is peaceful. 

He feels a hand brush against his, so he looks to his side and is met by the all too familiar gorgeous face that he adores, with that warm wide grin and that as messy as ever bedhead, kuroo. 

“kuroo” he whispers feeling dazed. “Hey kitten” says kuroo with the same grin and kenma can't help but smile. 

He rolls over and hugs kuroo tightly burying his head in the crook of his neck and kuroo hugs him back just as tight smiling warmly at him. He breathes in Kuroo’s scent and wants to drown in it. He wants to drown in kuroo and his every detail, whether it be his scent, his grin, the way his strong arms hold him tightly, just all of him. 

Kenma isn't dumb. He knows kuroo didn't magically come back from the dead and hold kenma tightly right here. He knows this is a dream,but he wishes with all his being that he never wakes up from this dream. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry T-T
> 
> What do you think of this?? 
> 
> I was thinking about making a series with all the characters with the same idea of like dreams and so, should I?? 
> 
> Thanks for reading :3


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